Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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