At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
