i just google imaged poop.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
