dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
