Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
