I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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