well you can't waste a boner
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
