plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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