How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize