hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
