I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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