I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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