friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This baby is an asshole
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
