Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
