You just made me feel so damn special
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Let's paint friendship bongs
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize