I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
