She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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