don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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