in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
