If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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