So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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