Porn is love you can see.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
