Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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