I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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