We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
