i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
