I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
