Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
