There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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