Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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