did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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