i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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