Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
