when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize