I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
