Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize