Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
