It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
