Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
