if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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