okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
