What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
