I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
