I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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