One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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