I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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