update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
be right there i have to get my cape
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
