eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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