im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
