gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
