I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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