That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
