My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
