I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
