forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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