So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
