I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
