Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
