i jhust puked up my retainher.
I didn't shave. On purpose
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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