I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
