Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
operation harelip BJ is a go
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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