I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
