what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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