What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
