God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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