Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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