Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
