Three words: puerto rican gang bang
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
