I love black thongs
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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