dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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