Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
