remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
