you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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