Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
