Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Found your dick twin last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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