we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
