And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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