You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
