I think I died a long time ago.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and she was petting her beer can
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
